As my parents could only afford a television as our babysitter, I was raised by cartoons and movies that originated in the west or the east. By the time I was 20, I pretty much started to think that I know as much about the west as an average call center employee should. But I was not oblivious to the fact that I was not one of them. For instance, I was never told that I could be anyone. In fact, my parents specifically told me that I could be two people. Indian parents and the education system know how to narrow dreams down which sometimes makes me think that its a population issue. We can never see the limitless horizon. Everyday on the road is a moving concert crowd ๐ There are too many people around us. I also don’t think that wide angle lens cameras would work so well in India. Nobody would want to have more strangers in a picture. OK I am going on about the brown Comicon too much, aren’t I? As I mentioned earlier, I used to think that the “western culture” was a part of me and that things would not really shock me if I ever move abroad. But being a man, I was wrong about this self assessment. So lets begin..
Holidays Are Different!
Since I started writing this one on a holiday, I must start with this particular craziness that shook me a bit. Melbourne has 2 public holidays every year just so that people can watch sports! TWO! They could easily schedule the game on a weekend! But nah! That’s how crazy it is. For someone who used to read out text commentary online at WORK during big games, this kind of allowance was insane. People suit up to watch the races religiously. I saw women wear silly hats all over the city. Every application I opened; pushed betting apps advertisements to me. Betting was out of bounds for me. It was you know.. ODD. The only thing I could bet on was the traffic and man that was easy.
People From China Are Filthy Rich!
On my way to work yesterday, I saw a woman reading a book with the title ‘Crazy Rich Asians’. I remember listening to The Ricky Gervais Show where Karl says that he has never seen a homeless Chinese person in London. I just didn’t know that it was a real thing. Are they rich because they can buy cheap products in China or are they rich because we have been buying too many products from them? This was another surprise for me. The Asians here drive the sickest cars and are mostly chilling around a lot. I am pretty sure such sightings are the reason Mr. Will Be Impeached is so scared of Chaina.
Public Transport
Everyone queues up where they don’t need to. Nobody farts in packed train compartments. Everyone constantly apologizes for accidentally brushing against someone else.ย The niceness is insane. I am just glad I am not in Canada. It drives me insane when someone I accidentally brush against apologizes before me because they probably think they are better than me at being nice. The best way to never be outniced is to get yourself humongous headphones. People with earphones have higher privileges. People move aside for you. Everyone automatically thinks you are an asshole. Takes a lot of pressure off. Best $79 dollars I ever spent.
Earn For A Month, Chill For Two
I work part-time for a digital marketing firm and one of the things that baffled me while speaking to business owners using our services was the contentment. Most of the business owners were mostly happy with what they’ve got. One even asked me to make sure he doesn’t get too many calls. The idea is to make enough so you can lead a comfortable life. Many would call this lazy but as someone who dreams of swimming in money, the case of contentment seems much more plausible to me as I know how amazing money is and that no one other than a contented individual can say no to more of it. Not the same observation with female business owners though. They be ultra shrewd. Scored some feminism points there. Feminism points are more valuable than bitcoins I think. SLAM DUNK! Two major news items referenced in one line! I think the good ideas juice from this morning is really pumpin’. Moving on..
Beaches Don’t Have Hawkers
Every time I visit a deserted beach around Melbourne, I wonder why there are no individual stalls out there that sells cold beer to me. Being used to people coming to you to thrust tea up your face, it was impossible for me to accept the fact that beaches are not food courts with a beach-side view. Goa has ruined me. For people here, beaches are not where people here go to eat. Its meant for surfing and getting some sun. Oh don’t even get me started on the obsession for bathing in the sun. It is not a chill thing to do. FAR from it.
People Pay Crazy Money For Parcel Delivery
I ordered a $30 cake for a colleague last week and the cake shop charged me an additional $15 for delivery. Now in no way am I saying that this is unfair. The cake shop was very transparent about the additional charges going for a third party delivery partner. But the idea of paying an additional 50% just for delivery is difficult to digest for someone who used to get everything delivered under an hour for FREE in Mumbai. The thing I miss the most after 18 months of living away from Mumbai is the ironing service that picked up and dropped off my office wear each weekend. I miss that dude. I dream of having my shirts ironed by someone else at times. I wake up with a smile after those visions ๐
That’s it for now. I am itching to write about wedding photography next. Need to create a Facebook profile that ridicules couples who put really embarrassing pictures of themselves after getting married. That is the kind of confidence one needs to do a porno I think. Something that you just don’t care about people watching. Till next time.. Respek!